High standards aren’t the problem. How we reveal them is.

Recently, several of my coaching clients have shared feedback like:

• “Your standards are unreasonably high.”

• “You come across as pushy.”

• “Your team finds you intimidating.”

With a mix of surprise and defensiveness, they ask: “Should I lower my standards?”

My answer: probably not. The real issue is often why and how those standards show up. For example, a leader might be…

• Working 20-hour days because anything less than flawless feels unacceptable → perceived as a workaholic.

• Pushing their team relentlessly because their worth feels tied to others’ performance → perceived as distrustful or micro-managing.

• Reviewing every outgoing client email out of fear of being seen as ineffective → perceived as stifling creativity and slowing productivity.

High standards are healthy. But when leaders tie their self-worth to perfection - and fail to create a shared definition of excellence - those standards can backfire.

The truth: it's perfectly human for smart, successful leaders to have blind spots about what drives them to perform. Once they uncover these internal drivers, they can choose behaviors aligned with their deepest values—and lead with more freedom, trust, and impact.

👉 Do you ever wonder whether you’re chasing someone else’s definition of success?

👉 Are you ready to define significance on your own terms?

Let’s talk.