Wherever You Go

As a coach, I am blessed to work with smart, successful people – the type of people who frequently get a pass for their “growth opportunities” because they’re generally such effective producers at work. Yesterday, I talked with a high-performing client, Mark, who has received feedback about getting visibly frustrated with co-workers; they find Mark, at times, intimidating and overbearing. To Mark’s credit, he tries to remember that he often has more experience than everyone else in the room…

I shared my belief with Mark that he likely will continue to move up the corporate ladder – because he’s reliable, his results exceptional. Donning my life coach hat, I expressed my concern that, while he may continue to experience success “out there", he also may feel a deep unease on the inside about how he gets results and about the emotional wake he creates with other people. Mark quickly pivoted and, remorse in his voice, shared a story about being annoyed with his young children for disturbing his peace by singing the same song over and over and over, i.e., for being perfectly childlike.

As our conversation progressed, it seemed apparent to Mark that the “problem” isn’t with his kids or his co-workers or his clients; the challenge lies in Mark’s ability to recognize his emotions and regulate them moment to moment – especially when everything in his environment isn’t precisely how he’d like it to be.  As another client said recently, “I’m realizing that my emotions have me, and I don’t like it!”

If there’s good news for how we manage our emotions, it truly might be in the “wherever you go, there you are” nature of them. Yes, plenty of situations at work cause us to feel stressed, frustrated, irritated. The same is true of non-work situations such as traffic delays, slow-moving checkout lines at the grocery store, routine family interactions, and middle seats on airplanes.

When we get hooked (look up a description of “shenpa”) by these external realities, we suffer inside...and it’s common enough for us to act out our suffering on the people around us. In these moments when nobody wins, cultivating self-awareness is a pre-requisite to exiting the emotional prison cells that we’ve built for ourselves. Speaking from experience, this can be some of the most difficult – and liberating – work a person can undertake.

Let me know if you’re ready to free yourself and think the journey would be less arduous with the support of a coach who has traveled this path.